Bullet Limits Hours to Periodic Fifteen-Minute Intervals (April Fools)
By Alli Dayton, News Editor On Friday, April 1, President Bob Iuliano announced in a 3,000-word email to the Gettysburg College community that the Bullet Hole will be limiting its hours. Iuliano wrote, “In an effort to mitigate worker shortages, the Bullet Hole will now be reducing its hours to 1:00 p.m. to 1:15 p.m on Mondays and every third Thursday of the month provided that the moon is in the waning crescent phase.” Iuliano also...
The Seven Things You Can Do or Buy With One Hour of Student Wages (April Fools)
By Nicole DeJacimo, Managing Editor Veggie Sushi from Kazue: Sure, this may be the only meal-swipe sushi left at 9:47 after your night class but its lack of flavor really gives your unfulfilling Tuesday a full-circle feeling. A single gallon of gas: If you are lucky, you might get 1.5 gallons depending on your county. This could get you far enough to Target and back. Half of a Servo dinner: You’ll need to save up two hours of hard...
Gettysburg Football Team Takes Down Rival School 2-0 (April Fools)
By Jack Herr, Sports Editor Football and winning – words you do not often hear together on the campus of Gettysburg College. Yet, it actually happened this past weekend. The Bullets took down their conference rival Bishop Sycamore Centurions by a score of 2-0. The opening quarter was extremely exciting, with neither team gaining any positive yardage through the first 15 minutes. Gettysburg started out with the football, putting...
April Fools: 5 More People You’re Likely to Encounter on Zoom—Hybrid Edition
By Garrett Glaeser, Sports Editor Last year we were introduced to twelve very recognizable Zoom personalities, each of which we found entertaining, yet mildly infuriating, but nonetheless hoped would be a short-term phenomenon. Yet here we are in year two where despite most of campus being back residentially, online and hybrid classes still reign supreme. Here’s some comedic relief: 1. The Movie Star – For those of us in the...
April Fools: College Faculty Dread Return to In-Person Learning
By Phoebe Doscher, Magazine Editor At a recent faculty meeting, Gettysburg College professors reflected on the past year of remote learning and came to a clear consensus: They prefer remote learning over an in person environment. One faculty member made a succinct case for teaching online, noting a sense of comfort that cannot be replicated in the classroom: “There’s just something about teaching in pajama pants.” Others have taken...
April Fools: ‘Wellness Day’ to Become ‘Wellness Hour’
By Phoebe Doscher, Magazine Editor In a new mental health initiative, Gettysburg has devised a plan to give students moments of reprieve not through a fully-cancelled day of classes, but in interspersed Wellness Hours throughout the rest of the semester. During those pre-planned hour-long blocks, one class at most would get canceled, and students will be encouraged to use face masks, take a nap, or watch one to two episodes of their...
