Bullet Limits Hours to Periodic Fifteen-Minute Intervals (April Fools)

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.


By Alli Dayton, News Editor 

On Friday, April 1, President Bob Iuliano announced in a 3,000-word email to the Gettysburg College community that the Bullet Hole will be limiting its hours.

Iuliano wrote, “In an effort to mitigate worker shortages, the Bullet Hole will now be reducing its hours to 1:00 p.m. to 1:15 p.m on Mondays and every third Thursday of the month provided that the moon is in the waning crescent phase.”

Iuliano also noted in his email that the Bullet Hole will no longer be offering Chicken Finger Friday, and will instead be shifting to Fish Stick Friday.

On this change, Joe Smith ‘24 said “I’m really going to miss eating at the Bullet Hole. I loved going with my friends at 12:15 p.m. on Wednesdays and waiting in line for several hours for my sandwich.” 

Iuliano continued, “We strongly recommend that students consider making reservations to eat at the Bullet Hole to reduce lines and wait times.” 

Students who wish to eat at the Bullet Hole can make a reservation by calling 1-800-April-Fools. Alternatively, students can eat at Servo for every single meal.

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Author: Alli Dayton

Alli Dayton ‘24 serves as the News Editor for The Gettysburgian. She previously served as a staff writer for the news and features sections. Alli is a sophomore Sociology and Public Policy double major. When she is not working with The Gettysburgian, she is a member of the Eisenhower Scholars program, mock trial, and Gettysburg College Choirs. She is also a PLA in the Public Policy Department, a Resident Assistant, and the Program Assistant for the Eisenhower Institute’s Women and Leadership Program.

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