April Fools: ‘Wellness Day’ to Become ‘Wellness Hour’

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
Campus Photo (Photo Allyson Frantz/The Gettysburgian)

Campus Photo (Photo Allyson Frantz/The Gettysburgian)

By Phoebe Doscher, Magazine Editor 

In a new mental health initiative, Gettysburg has devised a plan to give students moments of reprieve not through a fully-cancelled day of classes, but in interspersed Wellness Hours throughout the rest of the semester.

During those pre-planned hour-long blocks, one class at most would get canceled, and students will be encouraged to use face masks, take a nap, or watch one to two episodes of their favorite Netflix show.

We asked students how they’re planning on taking advantage of these generous Wellness Hours.

“I can’t wait to switch my exercise routine to the Wellness Hour. I typically work out every day, but now I don’t have to choose the best time to work out. The college will choose an inconvenient time for me!”

The college still plans to notify students about Wellness Hours at around 7:41 a.m. that day. After similar notice and preparation with the first Wellness Day, students expressed feeling comfortable with this routine.

“I probably won’t know until the morning of, so I can’t plan ahead, but the anticipation … it’s exhilarating!”

The campus community will be discouraged from sending and checking emails during this hour to alleviate stress on students. This leaves one grueling question for some students: “What will I do if the Wellness Hour is at 1 p.m.? Am I going to have to wait a whole hour until I can read the Digest?”

Reports show that the college is listening to student concerns. Sources close to the matter cite plans in the works for Wellness Minutes if the Wellness Hours fail to help students.

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Author: Phoebe Doscher

Phoebe Doscher ’22 is the News Editor for The Gettysburgian. She previously served as a staff writer, features section copy editor, and Assistant News Editor. Originally from Sandy Hook, CT, she is an English with a Writing Concentration and Theatre Arts double major. Aside from writing and editing, she studies voice at the Sunderman Conservatory of Music and can often be seen working on and offstage in the theatre department.

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