April Fools: CAB Friday at Five Event Reaches Full Capacity
By Phoebe Doscher, Assistant News Editor Gettysburg’s Campus Activities Board proudly announced that this past weekend’s Friday at Five event had an unprecedented turnout, reaching full capacity. Late attendees were unable to enter the Junction until the long line tapered off. One student commented on the crowd: “I was shocked! All I wanted to do was plant a couple flowers in a mason jar but the line was out the door! The Junction was...
April Fools: Student Senate Treasurer Charged with Embezzlement
By Charlie Williamson, Sports Editor Last Monday, Student Senate Treasurer Haley Gluhanich ’19 was found guilty of embezzling senate funds and forcefully removed from her position by President Nick Arbaugh ’20. “It really pains me to see a fellow Republican go, but Haley’s egregious actions do not line up with Student Senate’s values,” Arbaugh said. “If it was only a little embezzlement, then that’s fine, but $70,000 seemed to cross...
April Fools: Sanders Staggers Back to Gettysburg Forgetting Initial Visit
By Joshua Wagner, Opinions Editor It was a bright spring day on Saturday, March 30 as crowds waited to hustle into the Bream Wright Hauser Athletic Complex at Gettysburg College. Throngs of Bernie Sanders supporters were jostling to meet the self-proclaimed democratic socialist speak. Many waited outside after the stadium seating was filled and the candidate took the stage. Sanders spoke of income inequality and our country’s need to...
April Fools: Admissions Announces New Residence Hall to Premiere in Fall 2055
By Joseph Maguschak, Staff Writer Showing prospective students and their families the musty-smelling hallways, pee-stained shower curtains, and compact rooms with decorative cinder block walls and alcoves posing as closets – defining characteristics of the infamous yet lovable Stine Hall – used to cut it for Gettysburg College’s Admissions Office. At one time, a quick walk through Stine Hall presented future Gettysburgians with...
April Fools: Gettysburg’s Own Robert Natter Set to Headline Springfest 2019
By Phoebe Doscher, Assistant News Editor Prepare to be amazed. Sunderman Conservatory’s own choir director Dr. Robert Natter is set to headline Springfest 2019. Although he chose not to comment in an effort to save his voice leading up to the big day, his setlist is expected to include subtle nods to his favorite composers and feature some of today’s latest head-banging pop hits. Natter will be backed up by the band, The Hangry...
April Fools: Chanters Have First Successful Conversion
By Taylor-Jo Russo, Staff Writer We all know that familiar feeling of being greeted at Servo by singers, chanters, and signs. The chanters are eager to gain our attention but we are unwilling to stop unless it is to take a quick Snapchat to document what they are “advertising”. Apparently, not everyone is unwilling to give these “advertisers” the time of day. A monumental occasion has occurred, this semester: the chanters have made...
