Men’s Basketball Reaches Final Four
By Brody Tennant, Staff Writer The Gettysburg College men’s basketball team punched their ticket into the Final Four this weekend with a win over Duke University. The win, coming from an astonishing score of 114-35, proved to the basketball world that Gettysburg College hoops have arrived and don’t plan on leaving anytime soon. “They really just whooped us. Now I know that I am the winningest Division I coach ever of all time,...
Accelerated Administrator Removal Program (AARP) Developed to Promote Sustainable Excellence
By Benjamin Pontz, Managing News Editor Citing the need to reduce personnel costs in this age of sustainable excellence, the college announced a complementary program to the Faculty Retirement Incentive Program (FRIP): the Accelerated Administrator Removal Program (AARP). The program requires each department to reduce its administrative staff by at least 25 percent without losing workplace productivity, a challenge most administrators...
Adams Retires and Buffet Takes Center Stage
By Andrew Knight, Columnist Recently the rapper Sammy Adams announced his intention to retire from his music career in order to pursue a lifelong dream to be the first man to land on Mars. While many have been quick to jump to Adams’ support and encouraging him in this new venture, his abrupt decision to retire from music has put Gettysburg College in a tight spot. With Springfest quickly approaching and no headlining artist to...
Sunderman Strings Win Heart of Rabbit, Set to Open for Sammy Adams
By Alex Pearson, Staff Writer “Step right on up, folks. Come on up to the podium,” came the voice of the announcer. The crowd of participants and spectators shuffled forward. Earlier last week was a surprise announcement by the Music Department that student groups could have an opportunity to open for Sammy Adams at Spring Fest if they could successfully complete a secret task. The crowd was full of talented students, all of whom...
Parking Enforcement Officer Fired for Allowing Car to Park Illegally for Five Minutes without Ticket
By Jamie Welch, Editor-in-Chief Clint Bowman, a 20-year veteran of the Gettysburg College Department of Public Safety, was fired Tuesday after an internal investigation revealed that he failed to ticket a student’s vehicle that had been parked for five minutes in a visitor’s space in Masters Lot. Bowman said that he was making his rounds in Stadium Lot, slapping tickets on cars parked in the employee section randomly situated in the...
The Servo Manifesto
By Zachary Sobeck, The Right Honorable Lord Paramount Zachary Michael of the Most Noble House of Sobeck Whose Venerable Words Enumerated Read, “We Do Not Shill”, The First of His Most Righteous Name, The Lord of Hougun Manor, Estate of Cumbria England of Her Majesty’s United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, The Right Honorable Grand Lord-Mayor of Paxton Hall by the Right of Paramount Titular Supremacy A specter is...
