Health Center Runs Out of Salt Packets, Closes
By Jamie Welch, Editor-in-Chief The Gettysburg College Health Center has run out of salt packets and consequently is closing its doors until their stock is replenished, according to a statement released by Urman Competent, Director of Health Services. “We apologize for any inconvenience that this closure may cause our students,” the statement reads in part. “We are working expeditiously to secure the medicinal salt...
New Cult Forms Surrounding “Servo” Celebrity
By Natalie Orga, Contributing Writer Everyone loves Regina from Servo. But how much love is too much? Last week, a student reported seeing candlelight emanating from a classroom in Glatfelter Lodge. Upon further inspection, the student, who wishes to remain anonymous, found that a fire was blazing inside, and a circle of about a dozen prancing students had formed around it. The students, none of whom could be identified due to the...
DPS Confirms: Fashion Can Be Criminal
By Natalie Orga, Contributing Writer This month, a ground-breaking decision was made within the Department of Public Safety regarding Gettysburg College students, and it may have dire consequences for fraternity brothers. After long discussions about morality and clothing, it has been agreed upon that the act of tucking sweatpants into socks is now an offense punishable for up to four points. This fashion atrocity will be stamped on...
Communications & Marketing Article Formula Exposed: Our Simple Four-Step Guide
By Benjamin Pontz, Managing News Editor Have you ever noticed that every article on gettysburg.edu is the same? Literally by inserting a new name and some new photos, you too can be the author of “original” content for the college website. Here is a simple four-step formula to help you write your very own Gettysburg College homepage features: 1) Choose a first-year seminar or— if you’re particularly adventurous—a senior...
Quorum Present at Faculty Meeting
By Jamie Welch, Editor-in-Chief Commenting that it was “the most faculty she’s ever seen at a faculty meeting” and that they “can finally approve the last six years of minutes,” President Janet Morgan Riggs stood in shock Thursday in Mara Auditorium as the Kahoot! digital voting system showed that at least fifty percent plus one of those who have faculty voting status were present at the start of the meeting....
Women’s Tennis Beats Johns Hopkins in First Wii match
By Claire Healey, Co-Sports Editor The Gettysburg College women’s tennis team had an outstanding week last week, dominating the Centennial Conference in Wii tennis. Following a report on multiple sustained concussions by women’s tennis players this season, the conference decided it would be best to eliminate actual tennis balls from the game. Their first idea was to have the players use the plush balls from elementary school gym...
