New Cult Forms Surrounding “Servo” Celebrity

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
Penn Hall was illuminated for the occasion (Photo Sarah Kirkpatrick / The Gettysburgian)

Penn Hall was illuminated for the occasion (Photo Sarah Kirkpatrick / The Gettysburgian)

By Natalie Orga, Contributing Writer

Everyone loves Regina from Servo. But how much love is too much?

Last week, a student reported seeing candlelight emanating from a classroom in Glatfelter Lodge. Upon further inspection, the student, who wishes to remain anonymous, found that a fire was blazing inside, and a circle of about a dozen prancing students had formed around it. The students, none of whom could be identified due to the darkness of the lodge, were dancing and singing, gallivanting joyously. They were singing praises to Regina, and in the center of their circle, a photo of Regina sat like an idol upon an old Servo tray.

Frightened, the eyewitness fled the scene. Could this be a cult worshipping Regina? When asked about it, students around campus responded enthusiastically to the idea.

“I would join a Regina cult!” burst one.

“Hell yeah!” Exclaimed another.

This raises a profound question. Is it wrong to partake in such actions? If we all love Regina enough to sing her songs of admiration (which, I’m pretty sure I speak for all of us when I say that we do), should Regina-centric cults be quashed, or should they be celebrated? The College is attempting to answer this question. For now, it is recommended that you keep your eyes peeled for signs of cult activity. Whether you partake in it or steer clear, however, is up to you.

April Fools’ Edition

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Author: Natalie Orga

Natalie Orga '21 is an intended English Major with a Writing Concentration and hopes to delve into the rich literary community at Gettysburg (and possibly get haunted at least once, but only by a friendly ghost that supports her dreams and reminds her (spookily) about class times). A lover of art, dogs, singing, and sleep, Natalie is an avid pun-maker and a member of the colorguard. Follower her on Instagram @natcat353.

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1 Comment

  1. where do i join the regina cult? when do we drink the servo-brand kool-aid??

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