April Fools Music Review: Alma Mater
By Charlie Sternberg, Staff Writer The Alma Mater of Gettysburg College was written in 1921 in response to a student letter published in The Gettysburgian which called for a new song, so it feels fitting that nearly a century later, I should review our Alma Mater here, in the same publication. After all, so many world-changing events have taken place in this country since 1921: World War II, desegregation, and two live-action Garfield...
April Fools: Updated Endangered Species List Now Includes Digest-Readers
By Cameron D’Amica, Staff Writer A total of three students on the Gettysburg College Campus who regularly read the Student Digest have been added to the endangered species list. The students have asked to be left anonymous for fear of the increasing threats to the survival of their species. The digest is emailed around at 12 am and 1 pm on a daily basis, and many use the Digest as a makeshift clock that helps them keep track of...
April Fools: HBO Hack Leaks Game of Thrones, Big Little Lies, and Westworld Spoilers
By Jackie McMahon, Staff Writer Despite HBO’s attempts to fend off future hacks after their highly publicized 2017 attack – which revealed major plotlines from hit shows like Game of Thrones – the network was recently targeted by a computer hacker who successfully leaked scripts for several of their upcoming programs. When asked by police why he decided to target the network, the suspect reportedly said: “My mom won’t let me use her...
April Fools: Disney Acquires 20th Century Fox (That Part’s Real …)
By Ethan Cannistra, Contributing Writer On Wednesday, February 20th, The Walt Disney Company officially acquired the film division of 20th Century Fox. A major reason that Disney wanted to buy the Fox Studio was to regain the Marvel properties that Fox currently has the rights to. These properties include all of the characters under the Marvel brands of X-men and Fantastic Four. Since 20th Century Fox has owned the film rights to...
April Fools: Bullet Shot: Chipper the Squirrel
By Charlie Williamson, Sports Editor Last Saturday, Chipper the Squirrel delivered a jaw-dropping performance, taking down defending champion Nutty in the nut eating contest to close out the Hibernation Winter Derby. Chipper put down a world record 100 acorns in the 10-minute contest. A simple food-to-body weight conversion comparing Chipper to hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut revealed that Chipper ate the equivalent of 150 hot...
April Fools: JMR’s Number Retired, Iuliano Drafted
By Garrett Glaeser, Staff Writer In honor of President Janet Morgan Riggs’s retirement, all Gettysburg athletic teams will retire the number 77 as a gesture of thanks for her service to the school since graduating in 1977. Back in January, President Riggs and her husband Ed (also Class of 1977) were honored in-between Bullets’ basketball games as two seats in Bream Gym were reserved in their name and accompanied by a plaque...
