April Fools: Renegade Faculty Members Mobilize to Defend Beloved Gazebo
By Jane Fitzpatrick, Features Editor Professors who live in and around Gettysburg have clandestinely joined together and set up a live streaming camera on campus for those of us who are feeling homesick at home. The camera is focused on our beloved gazebo, a favorite spot for friends, lovers, lonely poets, and procrastinators alike. DPS has removed the camera several times and asked the sneaky professors to stay off campus, to no...
April Fools: Squirrels are Nut Happy with their Wages
By Lauren Hand, Magazine Editor Tuesday afternoon, around 4:00 p.m., the few essential employees remaining on campus noted a mysterious noise: “a sort of chirping and scratching,” said Rod Tosten as he came to the end of another busy day of fixing the Moodle. By 4:15, the sound had become so disruptive that he went to investigate, only to discover that all of the squirrels on campus had gathered on the steps of Penn Hall as a part of...
April Fools’ Opinion: Gettysburg Should Move to a Pass/Pass Grading System
By Emily Dalgleish, Opinions Editor Following a student petition for a pass/fail grading option for this semester, Gettysburg changed its grading policy so students could elect for a Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory grade option after receiving their letter grades. A grade of a D- or above would be considered satisfactory. However, I believe the bar is still too high: anything below a D- should also be considered a pass in the first-ever...
April Fools: 35 Things Admissions Wants the Class of 2024 to Know
By The Gettysburgian Editorial Board Hey Class of 2024! Because Get Acquainted Day was canceled, the Admissions Office partnered with The Gettysburgian to release this official list of some really true things our tour guides want you to know. The Gettysburgian, because of its high editorial standards, agreed to publish the list, but on the condition that it would be released on April 1. Pay no attention to the fact that it is part of...
April Fools: Dean Ramsey Cracks Down on Fire Safety
By Mary Frasier, Senior Editor Gettysburg College campus has been eerily quiet ever since the commencement of spring break. The few dwellers near campus have been concerned about the mysterious disappearance of all the students and why they have not returned to resume their rigorous classes. After some investigation, the cause of the mass exodus of students has been determined. At the beginning of the Spring 2020 semester, Dean Ramsey...
April Fools: Editor-in-Chief Ben Pontz “Thought We Were Social Distancing the Whole Time”
By Lauren Hand, Magazine Editor Two weeks ago, Gettysburgian Editor-in-Chief Ben Pontz was sitting in his office in Plank basement, furiously typing behind a venerable wall of Bullet cups, when he received the news that the college would transition to remote learning in accordance with the CDC’s recommended social distancing practices. “Wait,” he said, squinting in the sunlight as he emerged from the basement for the first time all...
