April Fools: Renegade Faculty Members Mobilize to Defend Beloved Gazebo
The gazebo looks tranquil by day, but it is a battleground by night
By Jane Fitzpatrick, Features Editor
Professors who live in and around Gettysburg have clandestinely joined together and set up a live streaming camera on campus for those of us who are feeling homesick at home. The camera is focused on our beloved gazebo, a favorite spot for friends, lovers, lonely poets, and procrastinators alike.
DPS has removed the camera several times and asked the sneaky professors to stay off campus, to no avail. Many of the upperclassmen recall a time when the tall white structure of peace and shelter–not Penn Hall, but the gazebo, of course–was temporarily missing from the central area of campus. The gazebo is known as a landmark for the college community, and many worry that it may be taken away from us once again, if it is not being constantly monitored.
Sources tell us that each academic department has been assigned shifts for ensuring that the camera remains in place and that the gazebo itself is still planted safely on the walkway between the library and Glatfelter Hall. Lab instructor for Astronomy Professor Ian Clarke has honorably volunteered to take the graveyard shift.
“I consider it my duty and pleasure to make sure this gazebo remains on campus where it belongs,” said Clarke. “I do a lot of my research at night anyway!”
The gazebo cam has only picked up one live streamed confrontation between a professor protecting the camera and a DPS officer trying to remove it. The professor remains unidentified, but we were able to identify Officer Pierce standing at a safe distance. He appeared to be cheering on the professor instead of his fellow officer.
The website for viewing the gazebo has been compromised for the time being, but Vice President of Information and Technology and Professor Rod Tosten is on the case.
“Don’t worry, I’ll have a virtual reality video posted shortly so that everyone can get the full experience of sitting in our wonderful gazebo again,” said Tosten.
Thanks to the college’s brave faculty, the gazebo will be respected and protected as the sacred symbol that it is.
