The Entire Student Senate Impeaches Themselves (April Fools)
By Phoebe Doscher, Editor-in-Chief At Monday’s Senate meeting, the unexpected happened. Senators moved to impeach every member of Student Senate, including committee chairs, senators, and the entire executive board. This news comes on the heels of a number of impeachment trials over the past academic year. This time, the reasoning behind the impeachments was simple: Senate must start fresh, and the only way to proceed with fair...
Class of 2023: Gettyburg’s First Class of All Super-Seniors (April Fools)
By Victoria Staub, Arts and Entertainment Editor Current juniors, the class of 2023, have not had an easy experience at Gettysburg College thus far. Having never experienced a full, normal year at Gettysburg without COVID restrictions, our almost-seniors are not ready to leave. Whether or not they were ready to leave, however, is insignificant given the fact that no student of the class of 2023 will be able to graduate during the...
Gettysburg College: Bee Movie Edition (April Fools)
By Sarah Laud, Staff Writer Head bee, Barry Iuliano, is preparing his commencement speech for the Gettysbee Class of 2022. As of right now, his speech goes as follows: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. I mean, look at me. Right now, I stand upon Pennhive Hall, where 4 years ago you...
Campus COVID-19 Update: Unvaccinated Students Can Now Motor Scoot (April Fools)
By Ava Burchell, Staff Writer On, Friday, April 1, Dean of Students Anne Ehrlich released the latest campus COVID-19 update. According to the update, unvaccinated students are now permitted to do many of the activities they were unable to enjoy earlier in the semester. Most notably, unvaccinated students are allowed to motor scoot. Ehrlich wrote, “Given decreases in COVID-19 cases, we want to offer unvaccinated students...
CUB Desk Manager Calls it Quits (April Fools)
(Photo by Aly Wein/The Gettysburgian) By Dicole NeJacimo, Staff Writer CUB Desk Co-Manager Nicole DeJacimo ’22 quits just five weeks before graduation: cites “Gettysburg Address joke” as the main reason. “It’s just too stressful of a job,” said DeJacimo, who was found scrolling on Pinterest before the interview. “I can’t handle one more student asking me where the bookstore is!” DeJacimo also referenced the “Gettysburg Address...
Wordle 101: English Department’s Newest Elective (April Fools)
By Gracie Meisner, Features Editor Next semester, students can keep their eyes glued to their screens in the English Department’s newest elective, Wordle 101. The newest addition to the Fall 2022 course catalog, Wordle 101 (ENG 113), will offer students the opportunity to not only to solve the daily Wordle in a collaborative, supportive, and inclusive environment, but to critically analyze selected words through a myriad of lenses,...
