Two Years On, YAF Still Unable to Find the G-Spot (April Fools)
By Evan Stevenson, Fake Writer Two years after the College dining option, the Bullet Hole, was renamed to the Gettysburg Spot (G-Spot), a notable campus group’s absence has not gone unnoticed. Members of the Young Americans for Freedom (YAF), campus’s self-proclaimed conservative youth activism organization, have failed to find the G-Spot, even though it’s in the same spot it has always been. Speaking of his frustrations, one member...
Student Senate 4/1: Honor Code Amended to Allow Cheating (April Fools)
By Vincent DiFonzo, Editor-in-Chief Officer Reports The Student Senate President opened the Senate meeting by asking for senators to attend their assigned committees. He stated that last week, no committees made quorum so absolutely nothing got done. “Please just go to your committees. We are begging. Begging,” he stated, begging. The Senate Treasurer announced that the Senate is $12,389.24 in debt after the Senate underestimated...
Gettysburg Dining Services Adds Locally Sourced Goose Meat to Menu Rotations (April Fools)
By Heather Wirick, Assistant News Editor Back on March 20, Gettysburg staff voted to approve the addition of Goose based meals to student menu rotations. The Gettysburgian was asked to refrain from including the decision in its coverage of faculty meetings until it was confirmed that recipes could be produced en masse. The decision was largely based on factors of convenience and finance. “I’m not sure why this suggestion wasn’t...
Student Senate: 4/1 Meeting
By Ella Prieto, Managing Editor Officer Reports During officer reports, the Student Senate executive board agreed that they do not say anything of substance during these. “To be honest, we either wish everyone a good week or mention something is going to happen later in the meeting,” stated the President of the Study Body. For that reason, no officer reports were given. Committee Reports Committees continued to beg senators to...
Raccoon Found in Apple Hall’s Laundry Room
By Laurel Bennett, Features Editor Last week, a raccoon was found in the laundry room of Apple Hall, which is housed in the basement of the building. At this moment, it remains unclear how the raccoon gained access into the laundry room. The raccoon has also been seen wandering throughout the entirety of the building. Campus Safety was not alarmed upon hearing the student complaints that the raccoon was lingering in Apple Hall....
Sauron to Join the Campus Community
By Laken Franchetti, Editor-in-Chief As a new alternative revenue stream, the cupola of Penn Hall is now occupied by the eye of Sauron. After the destruction of his tower in the land of Mordor, Sauron the Dark Lord made an agreement with the College’s administration to watch over the campus for use of the cupola. Although Sauron has had a tricky relationship with humans in Middle Earth, sources say that he is looking forward to...
