April Fools: Residence Life Unveils Pizza House as Newest Theme House

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
Pizza House will be Gettysburg’s next option for theme housing (Photo courtesy of Diana Biesecker).

Pizza House will be Gettysburg’s next option for theme housing (Photo courtesy of Diana Biesecker).

By Phoebe Doscher, Assistant News Editor

Calling all pizza lovers! Starting fall semester of 2019, Residence Life will be offering Pizza House as an option for theme housing. The director of Residence Life sent out a memo this morning delivering students’ newest housing option.

Residents living in Pizza House will be expected to contribute to the business in some form, whether that be fulfilling a weekly quota of purchasing pizzas or serving on the staff at Pizza House.

An anonymous student expressed her enthusiasm for applying to live in Pizza House, “Pizza all day, every day? Sign me up!”

This new housing option features three doubles on the second floor and a single on the first, adjacent to the kitchen. Conveniently located on North Washington Street, Residence Life expects Pizza House to be filled immediately.

Not only will students be able to eat pizza as often as they’d like, they also get the joy of living in a house filled with the delicious scent of freshly-made pizza.

“I can’t wait to fall asleep every night to the smell of pizza,” an anonymous pizza enthusiast said, “My clothes are going to smell delectable!”

Students living in Pizza House are expected to comply with only one rule: A shared love for pizza. Sign up to live in Pizza House before it’s too late!

April Fools’ Special

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Author: Phoebe Doscher

Phoebe Doscher ’22 is the News Editor for The Gettysburgian. She previously served as a staff writer, features section copy editor, and Assistant News Editor. Originally from Sandy Hook, CT, she is an English with a Writing Concentration and Theatre Arts double major. Aside from writing and editing, she studies voice at the Sunderman Conservatory of Music and can often be seen working on and offstage in the theatre department.

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