New Bullet Will Include Craft Beer Option

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

Bullet Craft Beer

By Jamie Welch, Editor-in-Chief

A rotating selection of craft beers will be served in the new Bullet Hole, Director of Cash Operations Mike Bishop confirmed to GettyLeeks Tuesday afternoon.

Selections from Appalachian Brewing Company, Battlefield Brew Works and Goose Island will be on tap every day, and every week a new craft brewery from around the country will be on rotation, including breweries such as Dogfish Head, Brooklyn Brewing Company, Flying Dog Brewery and SweetWater Brewing Company.

A 16-ounce draft will be free, with a strict limit of one beer per meal cycle. The beer is free with no purchase necessary because the college lacks the liquor license that would be required to sell the alcohol outright, Bishop said.

“We looked at the student demand for a craft beer drink option to complement our soda and juice offerings, and decided we had to find a way to make that happen in the new space,” Bishop said. “We hope that the change will make the Bullet Hole and the new College Union Building a place where students and employees alike want to spend all of their time.”

When asked if serving beer all day was setting a good example for responsible drinking, Bishop responded that beer service would not begin until 11:00 a.m. on weekdays.

“We have standards obviously,” Bishop said, “and we don’t think students should be drinking all day. But, students are going to drink anyway, and we want to get in on that market. Plus, it’s five o’clock somewhere.”

Rob Schaeffer ‘20, who will be living in Apple Hall next year, said that he plans to walk over to the CUB to pick up a beer every chance he gets.

“So you’re telling me that I can get a free beer at 11:00 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m., 3:30 p.m., 5:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. every day? Well, if it’s free it’s me. Six beers per day, sweet dude!” Schaeffer said. “Drink responsibly? Not really. I’m going to show up to finance absolutely wasted.”

Concerns about the campus’ drinking culture notwithstanding, Bishop says that he expects the changes coming next year, including the new craft beer bar, will be great for business.

“Watch out Servo, we’re coming for you!” Bishop said.


April Fool’s Edition

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Author: Jamie Welch

Jamie Welch '18 served as editor-in-chief of The Gettysburgian from May 2016 to May 2018. Jamie also served as the webmaster and as a staff writer for the features and news sections. He graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and a minor in Business. Follow him on Twitter @welchjamesk.

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