By Laken Franchetti, Editor-in-Chief
As a new alternative revenue stream, the cupola of Penn Hall is now occupied by the eye of Sauron. After the destruction of his tower in the land of Mordor, Sauron the Dark Lord made an agreement with the College’s administration to watch over the campus for use of the cupola.
Penn Hall as Sauron’s new home. (Photo edited by Laken Franchetti/The Gettysburgian)
Although Sauron has had a tricky relationship with humans in Middle Earth, sources say that he is looking forward to partnering with the College. President Bob Iuliano shared that Sauron’s interest in the College’s strategic direction made the decision possible.
“He really believes in the strategic direction of the College,” Iuliano said. “Sauron understands the consequential work that we are completing for the benefit of our students, and he wanted to be a part of that momentous effort.”
Sources have reported that the College has been compensated fairly in the agreement. It has also been rumored that Sauron would be added to students’ personal advising teams should they wish to explore the art of necromancy and career-ready experiences related to dark magic.
One student expressed their unease at the news: “Seems a little weird to me, you know? I get that the College wants to get some money, but knowing that Sauron is watching me walk to class is unsettling to say the least.”
“I’m pretty excited about it,” another student shared. “Sauron’s a legend! I can’t wait to learn from him in the Pathways Program.”
Sauron declined to comment on his entrance to the campus community.
April 1, 2024
When asked about the corrupting power of the rings that he supplied to the President’s Council, Sauron replied, “I’m not going to get into the tick tock of who did what when.”