Paranormal Activity Reported in Pennsylvania Hall

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Lewis Armistead, Contributing Writer

Reports have arisen of instances of suspected paranormal activity taking place in Pennsylvania Hall. Several staff members who work in the building have noticed an increase in abnormal phenomena over the Spring 2024 semester. Gettysburg is nationally regarded as one of the most paranormal locations in the country, though this is the first time that alleged paranormal activity has made an impact on campus.

A photo taken with The Gettysburgian’s specialized paranormal photography lens.

Some of the abnormal things reported include the appearance of random papers containing short stories, essays and poems that have reportedly been seen fluttering across hallways and up and down staircases in the building. In addition, mysterious statements of national praise have appeared to manifest themselves in red ink along the walls outside of the President’s Office. The reported statements have included: “is recognized as one of the country’s premier journals…,” and “major literary journal in the U.S.”

When asked about the situation, local self-proclaimed “ghost expert” Casper Graves shared that he does not believe that the abnormal occurrences are the actions of a human ghost. He stated, “The activity in Pennsylvania Hall sounds like the behavior of the ghost of some kind of deceased anthology, likely one that is angry and vengeful for having been recently murdered in cold blood.”

Communications and Marketing Staff member E. Poe commented, “I remember standing on the steps of Penn Hall, feeding the ravens, when I suddenly heard what sounded like violent page ruffling that seemed to murmur ‘why?’” When asked about his thoughts on the possible source of the cry, he said, “Beneath the floorboards of this hall, there lies the memory of many dark deeds.”

The staff and administrators of Pennsylvania Hall are to continue normal operations. Strange activity will be monitored going forward. 

The campus Interfaith Council is reportedly discussing the logistics of an exorcism in response to the situation.

Author: Gettysburgian Staff

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