Giant Magnet Found at Bottom of Quarry Pond

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Victoria Staub, Arts & Entertainment Editor

(Photo taken and edited by Eric Lippe/The Gettysburgian)

(Photo taken and edited by Eric Lippe/The Gettysburgian)

After a series of incidents involving cars and Quarry Pond, Campus Safety, alongside the Gettysburg Police, dredged the pond in search of some sort of explanation. Needless to say, the officers were shocked to find a massive magnet located at the bottom of Quarry Pond. 

“I definitely didn’t expect for there to be a magnet at the bottom of that body of water,” said Executive Director of Campus Safety Alex Wiltz, “but I now understand why so many cars have been attracted to that area.”

Gettysburg Chief of Police, Robert Glenny Jr., is considering next steps. “I don’t know how this magnet has only attracted the cars of local townspeople, and we’re stumped about how it ended up there. We’re currently looking for methods of removing this magnet, but every tow truck we bring in ends up being sucked into the pond.”

Campus Safety has issued a statement asking all students to carry on as normal but to be particularly cautious around vehicles in the Quarry area.

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Author: Victoria Staub

Victoria Staub ‘23 is the editor of the Arts & Entertainment section of The Gettysburgian. She is a political science and Italian studies double major with a minor in religious studies. She is the match secretary of and an athlete for Gettysburg’s women’s rugby team. Additionally, she works as a tour guide for the admissions office, is a member of the school’s co-ed service fraternity, APO, and acts as the co-vice president of the political science honor society, Pi Sigma Alpha. Victoria is an avid film fan and enjoys keeping up with the entertainment industry.

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