Class of 2023: Gettyburg’s First Class of All Super-Seniors (April Fools)

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
(Photo courtesy of Gettysburg College)

(Photo courtesy of Gettysburg College)

By Victoria Staub, Arts and Entertainment Editor

Current juniors, the class of 2023, have not had an easy experience at Gettysburg College thus far. Having never experienced a full, normal year at Gettysburg without COVID restrictions, our almost-seniors are not ready to leave. Whether or not they were ready to leave, however, is insignificant given the fact that no student of the class of 2023 will be able to graduate during the spring of that year. 

The pandemic was in no way easy for anyone, except (of course) for billionaires, and the college is not exempt from dealing with the drastic changes in both life and the economy. Given the current changes being made as a form of damage control for the COVID pandemic, as well as the upcoming remnant wave of the 2008 recession (see our article about that), many classes are being cut as many departments are short of professors. 

During the fall of 2022 and the spring of 2023, there will be no offerings of capstone classes for students to choose from. Seniors trying to fit in their science with a lab will be unable to do so unless they were lucky enough to be the first 10 to sign up for the designated senior spots for these courses. 

President Bob Iuliano has explained that by restricting the whole class of 2023 from meeting their graduation requirements, they will be required to pay tuition for at least one more full year, therefore helping to offset the net loss the college experienced during the height of the pandemic. 

Given this information, Gettysburg’s administration has enacted a policy against referring to fifth-year students as the derogatory term “fifth-years.” Instead, the class of 2023 will be the first-ever class of “Super-Seniors” in Gettysburg College’s history. For these super-seniors, housing will not be guaranteed, and there is no possibility of off-campus living. For more information regarding the newest class of Super-Seniors, be sure to email President Iuliano with any questions.

Print Friendly

Author: Victoria Staub

Victoria Staub ‘23 is the Arts & Entertainment Editor for The Gettysburgian. She is a Political Science and Italian Studies double major with a minor in Religious Studies. Victoria acted as the A&E Editor for her high school newspaper, reprising her role here in Gettysburg. On-campus, she is a member of the service fraternity Alpha Phi Omega, a tour guide for the admissions office, a PLA and an ambassador for the Italian Department, a Global Leader of Gettysburg College, and is both match secretary and recruitment chair for Gettysburg’s Women’s Rugby Team.

Share This Post On

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *