April Fools: Students Receive 1,596 Emails About Phone Outages, Express Gratitude for College’s Transparency

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
(Photo Allyson Frantz/The Gettysburgian)

(Photo Allyson Frantz/The Gettysburgian)

By Jane Fitzpatrick, Assistant News Editor

Director of Infrastructure and Computing Thomas Franza has been publicly recognized by the student body as an influential member of the administration for his high level of communication and transparency during campus phone power outages.  

Students were notified periodically throughout the process of rebooting the “College Telephony System” on various occasions, including when members of the Comcast team went to lunch, had coffee, and experienced mental breakdowns.  This process took several attempts to complete, and the number of emailed updates that students received came to a grand total of 1,596 emails.  

Gratitude has been widely expressed across campus for the brave work and extended effort that Franza has given to the greater good of the community:

“One thing I’ve been wanting this whole year from the administration is more communication,” said Roisin Daly ‘23.  “Thomas Franza has been a model of excellence for keeping us updated and telling us what’s going on, and I’m so grateful for it, even though I have never used a campus phone.” 

Always sure to amiably sign off as “Tom,” Franza will continue to provide his services to the community via updates and reports on the campus phone systems as well as warnings to help students avoid phishing schemes.     

“It is an honor to serve this college, and I pledge to remain loyal, honest, and transparent in my distinguished position as Director of Infrastructure and and Computing during this difficult time in phone system reboots and power outages,” said Franza. 

Any questions or concerns regarding the College Telephony System may be directed to the IT Helpdesk.

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Author: Jane Fitzpatrick

Jane Fitzpatrick '21 serves as Features Editor of The Gettysburgian. She is a Religious Studies major and Middle East & Islamic Studies minor.

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