April Fools: Garage-Style Doors at Bullet Solve Student Mental Health Crisis Brought on by Pandemic

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
A view of the new Bullet seating area (Photo courtesy of Mike Bishop)

(Photo courtesy of Mike Bishop)

By Piper Mettenburg, Features Editor

The prolonged isolation brought on by the pandemic has created a student mental health crisis. Thankfully, students at Gettysburg College have been able to keep their spirits up thanks to the garage-style doors at Bullet.

“I’ve just been feeling so trapped since the pandemic began so it’s nice to finally feel like I can flow,” said Joy Zanghi ‘21 of the garage doors, which enable students to move between the dining space and outdoor patio with ease. “My one complaint is that I wish every building had garage-style doors. Somedays I just need a little extra pageantry and spectacle to break up the monotony of hybrid learning.”

Other students, like Duke Gaines ‘24, gushed about the aesthetic benefits of the doors.

“It’s nice to be in such a historic place but still have these modern touches. I have to admit, I was worried Gettysburg wouldn’t have that modern, sleek feel given its location, but I was completely wrong! Now when I walk around campus I feel like I have the best of both worlds and that puts a skip in my step.”

“There’s certainly a fantastical element to it,” said Jacob Weiss ‘22. “I know when I walk by Bullet, part of me thinks John Travolta will hop out and start singing Greased Lighting. So yeah, that definitely adds some excitement to my day.”

Given the extremely positive responses from the student body, Academic Advising has created an online form for students to submit requests for garage style doors to be installed in their individual rooms.

Doctor’s notes will be required.

Author: Piper Mettenburg

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