April Fools: Phi Beta Kappa Receives “Gettysburg Great” in Greek Evaluations

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Gauri Mangala, News Editor

In a strong shift in Greek life on Gettysburg College’s campus, Phi Beta Kappa, the co-ed fraternity has soared above the rest in receiving a Gettysburg Great on its evaluation, with a 4.2 GPA. This year marks the fifth full year in evaluation processes, but the first for the organization.
While each Greek organization attended at least two academic events, Phi Beta Kappa attended over 200, including actually going to class.

Much like other organizations, the partnership between Phi Beta Kappa and the Center for Career Engagement (CCE) has not been to the standards set by the Office of Student Activities and Greek Life (OSAGL). However, in this case, members of Phi Beta Kappa offer that it says much more about CCE than about them.

“I take five classes, play in the band, participate in the Eisenhower Institute, am an RA, and work in the admissions office. I interned at the White House and President Riggs wrote my letter of recommendation. My resume writes itself,” stated Mary Lou Houghton ‘19.

The organization’s scholarship plan was submitted on time to Academic Advising. In fact, each member submitted their four year plan along with their applications to the college in 2014.

A high-ranking OSAGL official who requested anonymity commented, “I don’t know what it is about the members of Phi Beta Kappa, but they really are go-getters. Crow really needs to step it up.”

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Author: Gauri Mangala

Gauri Mangala '21 currently serves as the managing editor for the Gettysburgian. Gauri is originally from Langhorne, Pennsylvania. Aside from her work with the Gettysburgian, Gauri is the treasurer for the Owl and Nightingale Players. She is a double major in Theatre Arts and Anthropology.

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