President Bob Iuliano Seen Sighing Deeply Before Descending the Stairs in CUB (April Fools)
By Ava Burchell, Staff Writer It appears that the semester has been catching up to everyone on campus. However, one person was seen have an especially rough day inside the College Union Building (CUB). During the incredibly busy time at 11:20 a.m., President Iuliano was spotted breathing a large, disappointed sigh at the top of the steps in CUB. After his emotional respiration, he began his awkward descent down the steps, planting...
Gettysburg College: Bee Movie Edition (April Fools)
By Sarah Laud, Staff Writer Head bee, Barry Iuliano, is preparing his commencement speech for the Gettysbee Class of 2022. As of right now, his speech goes as follows: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. I mean, look at me. Right now, I stand upon Pennhive Hall, where 4 years ago you...
Campus COVID-19 Update: Unvaccinated Students Can Now Motor Scoot (April Fools)
By Ava Burchell, Staff Writer On, Friday, April 1, Dean of Students Anne Ehrlich released the latest campus COVID-19 update. According to the update, unvaccinated students are now permitted to do many of the activities they were unable to enjoy earlier in the semester. Most notably, unvaccinated students are allowed to motor scoot. Ehrlich wrote, “Given decreases in COVID-19 cases, we want to offer unvaccinated students...
CUB Desk Manager Calls it Quits (April Fools)
(Photo by Aly Wein/The Gettysburgian) By Dicole NeJacimo, Staff Writer CUB Desk Co-Manager Nicole DeJacimo ’22 quits just five weeks before graduation: cites “Gettysburg Address joke” as the main reason. “It’s just too stressful of a job,” said DeJacimo, who was found scrolling on Pinterest before the interview. “I can’t handle one more student asking me where the bookstore is!” DeJacimo also referenced the “Gettysburg Address...
Wordle 101: English Department’s Newest Elective (April Fools)
By Gracie Meisner, Features Editor Next semester, students can keep their eyes glued to their screens in the English Department’s newest elective, Wordle 101. The newest addition to the Fall 2022 course catalog, Wordle 101 (ENG 113), will offer students the opportunity to not only to solve the daily Wordle in a collaborative, supportive, and inclusive environment, but to critically analyze selected words through a myriad of lenses,...
Better Ways to Get Money Than Robbing a Bank (April Fools)
By Laken Franchetti, Assistant News Editor Here are better ways to get money than robbing a bank: You can get a campus job at places such as Bullet Hole or Servo. Although the average wage for student workers on campus is $7.25 an hour, it would only take a mere 138 hours to reach $1,000! Start your own business! There are many odd jobs that could be accomplished on the Gettysburg College campus. For example, people could...
