Electric Scootering to Become Newest Varsity Sport

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Jack Herr, Sports Editor

(Photo Eric Lippe/The Gettysburgian)

(Photo Eric Lippe/The Gettysburgian)

After years of petitioning from the student body, the alumni network, and the Gettysburg community at large, the College will finally feature a varsity electric scootering team, who will play in their inaugural season in fall 2023. 

This announcement comes amidst a wave of other Centennial Conference schools adding electric scootering to their roster of varsity sports. Gettysburg will play their rival Franklin & Marshall in their season debut on Sep. 12.

John Smith ’24, who will be the team’s first senior captain, commented on his excitement for their upcoming season. “At first, scootering to class was fun, but the thrill quickly went away,” he said. “I think making scootering competitive will renew my interest in the sport I love.”

The electric scootering team will also be a co-ed team. Olivia Johnson ’24, who will be co-captain alongside Smith, talked about how joining the team is achieving one of her life-long dreams. “I’ve always wanted to compete in professional electric scootering,” she said. “Since being here, I knew there was something missing in my college experience. I thank the College for giving the scootering community a chance to pursue their passions competitively.” 

The athletics department also announced that campus will be closing for Saturday of family weekend next fall so that Gettysburg can host the first ever conference electric scootering meet. The three-mile course starts in front of the Jaeger Center, loops around campus two times, and finishes in front of the chapel. 

Hugh Jones ’02, head coach of the team, said, “We encourage the families who come to campus that weekend to cheer on our team! Electric scootering is an exhilarating sport, and we hope for this conference meet to be the highlight of family weekend for years to come.”

Despite the widespread excitement, there is a group of students in opposition to the creation of the team who have branded themselves as “Anti-Scooterers.” Clara Hill ’25, spokesperson for the coalition, said that scooterers are a “threat to the Gettysburg College community. The number of students who have been nearly run over by the growing number of scooterers across campus is in the dozens. Why should they be rewarded with a team?”

Hill said that the Anti-Scooterers will be holding a rally against the College’s decision on Monday, April 3 outside of Jaeger Center.

Author: Jack Herr

Jack Herr ’23 serves as the Sports Editor for The Gettysburgian. He served as the Sports Editor last year and was a staff writer before that. Jack is a political science and German double major. Outside of the Gettysburgian, Jack is a Fielding Fellow for the Eisenhower Institute, serves as captain of the ultimate frisbee team, and works for the Athletic Communications department.

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