Men’s Lacrosse and Football Teams Trigger a 4.2 Magnitude Earthquake in Jaeger Center (April Fools)
By Ella Prieto, Editor-in-Chief On April 1, the Men’s Lacrosse and Football Teams triggered a 4.2 magnitude earthquake in the Jaeger Center. Students exercising in Jaeger were more annoyed by the team than usual, as their loud grunting and stampeding into the weight area caused machines to move, with several students injured. Students on treadmills reported their machines began drifting sideways, while others attempting to use...
Facilities Merges with CGE in New “Center for Facilitating Global Education” (April Fools)
By Sarah Daniels, News Editor On Wednesday, April 1st, Gettysburg College’s Facilities Services and the Center for Global Education announced their merger, which will be completed this summer. Following suit with the Residential Education and OSAGL (Office of Student Activities and Greek Life) merger taking place over this summer as well, the two offices look forward to messing up the status quo. “We cannot wait to confuse...
English Department to be Replaced by AI Data Center (April Fools)
By Ella Prieto, Editor-in-Chief On April 1, Gettysburg College President Bob Iuliano announced in a campus-wide email that the English Department will be replaced by a state-of-the-art Artificial Intelligence (AI) Data Center. While all of Breidenbaugh Hall is to be demolished to create space for this new center, the other departments residing there will be moved to different academic buildings. The English Department was identified...
Breaking News: Fork Found in Kitchen. (April Fools)
By Celena Glaghassi, Assistant News Editor On March 31, at approximately 6:07 p.m., the Gettysburg Police Department was dispatched across the town in search of a critical missing object: a plastic fork. Soon enough, the entire town was mobilized. Grassroots efforts were launched, protests took place in Lincoln Square, and school walkouts were staged at both the high school and the College. “The last time we saw a display of unity and...
4/1 Faculty Meeting: April Fools
By Ella Prieto, Editor-in-Chief President’s Report President Bob Iuliano began the faculty meeting with an acknowledgement of the Jokster holiday that the meeting fell on. “For the first time in several years, the College is no longer operating in a deficit,” he began. “April Fools!” Iuliano then transitioned into announcing a newly formed committee that will produce recommendations to help reduce the...
‘Substance Abuse House:’ A Look Inside the Newest Gettysburg College Residential Space (April Fools)
By Vincent DiFonzo, Editor-in-Chief The college house program at Gettysburg College gives students the opportunity to live in tight-knit communities united by a common interest or identity. The newest college house — Substance Abuse House — seeks to bring students looking to take the edge off together into one residential community. “Here at Substance Abuse House, we don’t judge,” the house’s mission statement reads. “Feel like...
