Posted By Gettysburgian Staff on Apr 11, 2025 | 2 comments

Content Warning: This article contains description of sexual assault. 

Editor’s Note: The author of this article is a current student at Gettysburg College. Due to the sensitive and personal nature of the subject, this article has been published anonymously. 

I’ve heard all the talks. Seen all the presentations. “No means no” — yeah, yeah, I got it. I’ll never be in that position, I so naively thought. I’ll just say no if I don’t want to have sex. And I’m a straight, cisgender guy. What can happen to me?  

But sexual assault isn’t that simple, as it turns out. No means no is not adequate to describe how, little by little, I was coerced into doing things I didn’t want to do, things that make my skin crawl. Constantly telling me she thought I was gay, selectively ignoring me for periods of time, and stating on more than one occasion that consent is “dumb,” among other instances of grooming, left me constantly insecure and terrified of losing her. And with another, extremely serious situation occurring in my personal life, I tried to lean on her even more, making me more susceptible to manipulation and, in turn, sexual assault. Eventually, sex became a chore, an action that had to be taken to ensure my partner wasn’t annoyed with me, so that maybe she would stop being mad at me all the time, and maybe things would be like they used to be.   

Looking back, it’s all so clear to me now. How was I so stupid? I know all about the cycle of abuse. I know all about manipulation, and I’ve read stories just like this! But I had never heard about sexual abuse in a relationship. I thought what I was going through was normal, that it was normal to do these things I hated, that made me so uncomfortable. I was made to believe that’s what love is. That love was doing something you dread to make someone else happy. But that isn’t love. Because if you truly love someone, you will do everything you can to keep them safe. And yeah, maybe you suck it up and go to the restaurant that you don’t love, or you go to the concert of that band you can’t stand because it’s your partner’s birthday and you want them to enjoy it. But knowingly making them do what is actively hurting them is not okay.  

If you’ve ever been in a position where you believe you are required to do something you do not want to do, know that this is wrong. Know that this is not ok. But know that you aren’t alone. And in the future, let’s ask each other what we prefer. Now, according to some people, that isn’t “sexy,” but I’d rather be slightly lamer than risk putting someone in a horrible position. Is that really too much to ask? 

I ask you all to please avoid trying to locate this individual I’ve been referring to, and if you do know who it is, to leave them alone. My testimony has nothing to do with them. And please, don’t be like me. Don’t be stupid enough to think you’re immune to this. Sexual assault can happen to anyone. But let’s all make a commitment to ask for consent, to check in with our partners and fight for a safer future. Please don’t let this article be for nothing.