Multiple Members of College Democrats Accused of Stalking and Harassment During “Unconventional” Voter Registration Drive

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Vincent DiFonzo, Content Manager 

Since the beginning of the 2022-2023 academic year, members of College Democrats have been spotted all across campus encouraging students to register to vote. Their efforts have picked up dramatically over the past few months, leading some students to question their approach to promoting civic engagement.

On March 14, President of College Democrats Brandon Nomalarky ’23 announced 24/7 voter registration tabling in CUB. Since that date, at least two members of College Democrats have been present in CUB junction to register voters 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

“Since we started our 24/7 voter registration efforts 3 weeks ago, more than four members of the college community have registered to vote. Of course it’s worth the effort,” stated Nomalarky, when asked if the efforts were worth the time. 

Members of College Democrats have been accused of forcing students to register by all means necessary. The following poster has been spotted in academic buildings and residence halls across campus. It seemingly threatens students that don’t register to vote, citing that any student can find any other student’s place of residence through CNAV. 

(Poster Provided)

(Poster Provided)

One student, Jim Little ’24, alleges that College Democrats threatened them with violent action if they refused to register. 

“I walked past their table and they asked me if I wanted to register. I declined, and then one of them responded by bringing up CNAV stalking, which allows them to find where my dorm is. I am scared for my safety in my own dorm room,” said.

Addressing Little’s experience, College Democrats Vice-President Emerson O’Brien simply responded with “We would never hurt any member of the campus community. However, if that student would simply register to vote, then no one would have any motive to attack in the first place, so they should just register anyway.”

Kyle White ’26, a self-described conservative, tried to register to vote at the College Democrat table. He described his experience with the democrats as “difficult and sad.” 

When White approached the table, the democrats happily assisted him with his application. 

“When we got to the part where it asks you to choose a party affiliation, the two guys helping me both stared into my eyes, almost threateningly. I started bubbling in Republican, and they both got visibly upset” said White.

White continued, stating “When I finished filling it out and walked away, I turned around and saw them rip up my application and throw it away.”

“I cannot believe that those democrats would rip up my ballot just like that. I mean, I would do the same to them, but I can’t believe they had the audacity to do it to me” stated White.

Another student, Chrissy Morton ’26, reported receiving a voter registration application from College Democrats slipped under her dorm’s door. In the party affiliation section, the word “republican” was crossed-out and written in was the words “bad guys” in black sharpie. “I get that they want people to register as democrats, but this feels a little unnecessary,” said Morton on her experience. 

Photo of the obstructed application (Photo provided)

Photo of the obstructed application (Photo provided)

Another student, who asked to remain anonymous, received an application where the republican, independent, libertarian, and green parties were taken off the application with white-out. Only “democrat” remained. 

President Nomalarky explained that he sees these actions as justified because “student-based civic engagement is too important. We have to take action and get people voting, even if it means making people fear that they may be physically harmed.” 

“If you aren’t registered to vote yet, lock your door tonight,” said Nomalarky. 

As College Democrats show no sign of stopping their efforts, the campus community will continue to be terrorized by the club’s commitment to civic engagement for the foreseeable future.

Author: Vincent DiFonzo

Vincent DiFonzo ’25 was the Opinions Editor and Lead Copy Editor for The Gettysburgian. He is an IGS international affairs and double history major with minors in political science and economics. On campus, Vince is an editor for the Gettysburg Social Science Review (GSSR) and Managing Editor of Ike's Anvil. Additionally, Vince loves traveling, geography, and discovering new music. Vince is currently studying abroad in Berlin.

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