President Bob Iuliano Seen Sighing Deeply Before Descending the Stairs in CUB (April Fools)

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

By Ava Burchell, Staff Writer

It appears that the semester has been catching up to everyone on campus. However, one person was seen have an especially rough day inside the College Union Building (CUB). 

During the incredibly busy time at 11:20 a.m., President Iuliano was spotted breathing a large, disappointed sigh at the top of the steps in CUB. After his emotional respiration, he began his awkward descent down the steps, planting him directly near the line of students waiting for Abe’s Faves. 

One student, who chooses to remain anonymous, was eating a breakfast burrito in CUB and felt particularly moved by watching this intimate display of emotion from the college’s fearless leader.

“I think I saw a tear in his eye. The sun was reflecting from the tear. Yes, I remember what I saw because the shine of the tear looked like the shine of his head,” said the student.

When asked to comment on his emotional descent before walking directly into a sea of students, President Iuliano just gave a sad look.

Author: Gettysburgian Staff

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