DPS Confirms: Fashion Can Be Criminal

Posted By on Apr 1, 2018 | 0 comments

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.

Fashion Crime

By Natalie Orga, Contributing Writer

This month, a ground-breaking decision was made within the Department of Public Safety regarding Gettysburg College students, and it may have dire consequences for fraternity brothers.

After long discussions about morality and clothing, it has been agreed upon that the act of tucking sweatpants into socks is now an offense punishable for up to four points. This fashion atrocity will be stamped on your record permanently, if you’re not careful. Frat brothers are under fire and are concerned that they are being targeted in particular.

There are even rumors circulating that Patagonia quarter-zips (especially the blue and red ones) may be next on the hit-list. Stay tuned for more information about this horrifying turn of events.

April Fools’ Edition

Author: Natalie Orga

Natalie Orga '21 is an intended English Major with a Writing Concentration and hopes to delve into the rich literary community at Gettysburg (and possibly get haunted at least once, but only by a friendly ghost that supports her dreams and reminds her (spookily) about class times). A lover of art, dogs, singing, and sleep, Natalie is an avid pun-maker and a member of the colorguard. Follower her on Instagram @natcat353.

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