DPS Confirms: Fashion Can Be Criminal
By Natalie Orga, Contributing Writer
This month, a ground-breaking decision was made within the Department of Public Safety regarding Gettysburg College students, and it may have dire consequences for fraternity brothers.
After long discussions about morality and clothing, it has been agreed upon that the act of tucking sweatpants into socks is now an offense punishable for up to four points. This fashion atrocity will be stamped on your record permanently, if you’re not careful. Frat brothers are under fire and are concerned that they are being targeted in particular.
There are even rumors circulating that Patagonia quarter-zips (especially the blue and red ones) may be next on the hit-list. Stay tuned for more information about this horrifying turn of events.
April Fools’ Edition