Vermin Supreme focuses campus visit on free speech
By Joshua Wagner, Staff Writer To the shock of many on campus, Vermin Supreme, a popular free-speech advocate, visited Gettysburg Thursday, April 14. In the early afternoon, Mr. Supreme frolicked across Stine Lake, tossing around a free-speech ball. That evening, Vermin Supreme delivered an undoubtedly unique guest lecture entitled “Can We Take a Joke?” His lecture seemed to pivot around this question. To start the evening, all in...
Fear mongering makes America great
By Joshua Wagner, Staff Writer Satire Americans do their best work when influenced by fear mongering. The whole idea started off small during the Salem Witch trials. Scared witless, a group of colonials managed to collect over two hundred witches. Twenty of these witches were sentenced to death, and everything was working efficiently until Governor Phipps dissolved the courts responsible. This is a prime example of big government...
Pet sounds and human idioms: not always the cat’s meow
By Joshua Wagner, Staff Writer A 2003 study found that cats lack a universal language. Each cat has a different dialect of meows. Anthrozoologist John Bradshaw claims that feral cats meow approximately once every hundred hours. Cats do not use vocalizations for cat-to-cat communication, so who learns all of these cat languages? This study hypothesizes that only a cat’s owner is able to understand the meows of their feline friend....
Four-letter words and the fall of civilization
By Joshua Wagner, Staff Writer While volunteering with a local charity this summer, I helped chaperone a large group of small children on a trip to the Carnegie Science Center. While we were there one of the boys I was chaperoning swore, so I told him, “It’s not nice to swear.” He then replied, “It’s just a word!” The little guy then repeated his entire repertoire of fun four-letter words. That boy’s observation startled me. At first...
Logical fallacies and the issue of wet socks
By Joshua Wagner, Contributing Writer Whatever deity rules over the earth has devised cunning ways to torture humankind. War, famine and disease are the best known devices, but they are not the most devious. Wet socks are truly the most cunning stratagem against humanity. After spending over an hour doing laundry, one expects a finished product. Countless quarters, vending dollars, bottles of detergent and fabric softener have been...
