By Sophie Lange, News Editor
On Wednesday, Gettysburg College President Bob Iuliano announced to his administration that he is in the process of procuring a dog to act as the new Campus Morale Specialist. Iuliano plans to establish a new Office of Canine Communications to coordinate the dog’s public appearances and other activities on campus in the very near future.
According to experts familiar with the matter, Iuliano believes this new office will help to improve campus perceptions of the administration. The sources also confirmed rumors that Iuliano will allow students to name the Campus Morale Specialist by popular vote and that he intended to utilize YikYak to allow students to submit ideas.
However, several students have made attempts to suggest names, only to have their suggestions removed due to YikYak’s privacy policies. Because of the outrage this has caused, the Office of Canine Communications has decided to provide students with a list of names to choose from, scrapping the YikYak idea entirely.
Iuliano instructed the Office of Canine Communications to base the list on the Gettysburg Approach to promote the college’s brand of a “Consequential Education” and its history. The Office has already spent countless hours struggling to think of on-brand names but are having almost no luck. The Gettysburgian has learned of some of the potential names: Consequential, Lincoln, Pathways, and Ike.
Since word got out that this was causing the delay, students and faculty are wondering if this is where all the College’s resources are going, especially after concerns were raised about the College’s financial situation.
One student commented, “I mean, a campus dog is great, but why spend this much time on coming up with names that reflect the ‘Gettysburg brand’? Is this really where our tuition dollars should be going?”
Others feel that the prospect of adding a Campus Morale Specialist position is disrespectful to Weezie, the unofficial (and well-loved) campus dog.
In response to these concerns, the administration is currently drafting a formal apology but maintains that the Campus Morale Specialist will be coming to campus as soon as they can think of a list of names. Though the goal was to improve their reputation, it seems unlikely that this will be a successful endeavor.
April 1, 2024
Drop half the bloated administrative staff; go tri-mester with 500 more students; bring back Bullet logo; unveil mural in Church; behave like a college campus, not a retreat from society— that should have positive impact on needed consequential outcomes.