April Fools: 5 More People You’re Likely to Encounter on Zoom—Hybrid Edition
(Photo Mary Frasier/The Gettysburgian)
By Garrett Glaeser, Sports Editor
Last year we were introduced to twelve very recognizable Zoom personalities, each of which we found entertaining, yet mildly infuriating, but nonetheless hoped would be a short-term phenomenon. Yet here we are in year two where despite most of campus being back residentially, online and hybrid classes still reign supreme. Here’s some comedic relief:
1. The Movie Star – For those of us in the classrooms, we’ve all become fans. The professor has got Zoom up on the TV or projector, and this person is the star of the show. We’re not listening to lecture, we’re too captivated by the performance on screen. Look at how their eyes dart around observing something that very much isn’t class. (See No. 6 from last year) Be in awe of their quick wit when singled out to contribute because they are one of the few remote souls bold enough to leave their video on. It’s reality television during your 9am. Keeping up with the Kardashians, Gettysburg edition. See them as a contender for a daytime Emmy in June.
2. The Lone Ranger – This person has been roaming the wild virtual west solo for a year now. When all else have their videos off this one has left it on. It’s just the professor and this student in an old saloon showdown. Chances are they’re the first and only one interested in speaking. They’ve got their participation points locked down and loaded. But what’s this, has our hero inspired others? Indeed, they have, and sure enough out of the black box ether at least one other person has joined the Zoom with video. Inspiring.
3. The Chosen One – A question has been posed. A long silence ensues. No one in the classroom has any interest in speaking up and so professor turns their attention towards the computer. Suddenly, a voice from above pierces the quiet and speaks strongly. The prophesy has come true! It is as if the divine has tapped into our lives and spoken to us from another plain of existence. But alas, the moment of nirvana has passed. As you look upon the screen at the front of the room you realize the voice from above was just a black box highlighted in yellow, the name in white just another student.
4. The Chatty Cathys – As we’ve grown accustomed to Zoom, we’ve become more comfortable with its features. Sharing screen is now a breeze. Making breakout rooms? Not a problem. But some have become a little too comfortable with the chat function. Yes, the private conversations that marked our introduction to Zoom (See No. 5 from last year) have become public. It seems every class has a cohort that operates in their own world, the world of the chat. As professor speaks the red notifications tick up and up till it reaches a point where the number of unread messages looks like your inbox with weeks of digest emails. Speak up people! Our minds can’t multitask like this.
5. The Silent Sams – You’ve been sent into a randomized breakout room with a small assignment, a task that requires input from the group. As you enter, oh no! You’ve found yourself among Silent Sams. Videos on or off they just stay muted and aren’t interested in talking. Do you start the conversation? What can be done? Thirty seconds gone by turns into a minute and not a peep from anyone. The awkwardness is unbearable. The message that the room will be closing in a minute is a welcomed surprise and you are able escape unscathed. But wait, when your group is called on who will speak? Let’s hope one of the Silent Sams is a Chosen One. (See. No. 3)
