College to hold first annual organ sales drive
Trained medical professionals will perform the procedures in the CUB Ballroom
By Jamie Welch, Editor-in-Chief
In light of the recent increases in tuition, Gettysburg College announced Wednesday it will be holding a series of organ sales clinics throughout the remainder of the spring semester.
College officials say students will be able to quickly and easily sell that extra kidney or part of a liver they have hanging around and get back on with their day, receiving a credit on their student account based on the value of each organ donated.
Senior Associate Vice Dean of Enrollment Services Francine Baker says that this organ sales drive is in response to overwhelming student complaints about the rising cost of tuition.
“We understand that the cost of a Gettysburg education keeps rising every year while household incomes remain largely stagnant,” Baker said.
“We started looking at options for students and their families to leverage the assets they already have to make financing a Gettysburg degree more accessible for students of all economic backgrounds,” Baker continued. “When we heard about organ sales, we knew we were onto something.”
Students who are interested in the program are encouraged to visit the Health Center for a free organ sales readiness check. Students that pass this check will be invited to attend one of five organ sales clinics to be held in the CUB Ballroom through the last day of classes.
Baker says students will be able to sell their organ over lunch and be back on their feet in time for their 2:10 p.m. class.
“We really wanted to make it as easy as possible,” Baker said.
“Students are demanding convenience and speed now more than ever, and we definitely were cognizant of that when creating this program.”
Health Services employee Nancy Smith says that students need not worry about the safety of such a complicated procedure being conducted so quickly in a non-sterile environment.
“All organ extractions will be conducted by Health Services’ world class Nurse Practitioners,” Smith said. “Health Services has a reputation for quality and accuracy. Students can rest easy knowing that our staff will be wielding ultra-sharp surgical steel right near their renal artery.”
As part of the college’s ongoing commitment to immersive learning experiences, students in the pre-health advising program will assist in performing the procedures provided they complete a 30 minute online training course entitled “Extracting Sustainable Excellence: A Primer.”
Baker says that this program is only the beginning of a series of new “alternative payment options” designed to help students manage the rising cost of tuition.
“We also plan to offer time over Family Weekend for parents to sell an arm and a leg to cover Spring 2018 tuition,” Baker said.
The College is also looking into the possibility of indentured servitude for those with very little money that want to come to Gettysburg to make a better life for themselves. Baker contends that this option is a win-win for the campus community.
“Indentured servitude makes a Gettysburg College education a possibility for everyone, regardless of their socio-economic status, and will lower our payroll costs due to the free labor provided by the servants,” Baker said.
While no one program will completely offset skyrocketing tuition costs, Baker encourages students to talk to their financial aid officer to create a package of these new options that works best for them.
“We really want students and their families to have choice in how they pay for their education,” Baker said. “We hope that these programs will serve the needs of our students who are demanding innovative ways to make college affordable. We want our students to know that we hear you loud and clear, and we’re here to help.”
April Fools Day Special
