Opinion: The little pieces
Stephany Harrington, Columnist
Every relationship is give and take. Families, friendships and intimate relationships all have this very crucial give and take component. Most times you don’t even notice because it just seems natural to do so. If your mom asks you to run an errand for her you will, because that is just what families do. I mean, she did raise you from birth; the least you can do is pick up celery for the soup that she’s making while you’re driving home. Simple things like this often go unnoticed because of their simplicity and relative unimportance in the grand scheme of things.
In true friendships there is a definite mutual exchange between the people, because that’s how you became friends. You can understand each other and appreciate each other for who you are. You rely on each other for little things, like helping her with that homework she didn’t quite understand. Or for big things, when she helped you battle the demons you just couldn’t face alone. This is what friendship is, giving your loyalty and trust to someone you can call anytime anywhere because you know that they will be there for you. True friendship like this gives and takes in beautiful ways, as it is described in musician Chantal Kreviazuk’s song “These Days”. The lyric, “I’ll lend you my tears if I can borrow your smile”, truly expresses how friends hold each other’s hand for the hard stuff, but can also laugh together for the fun and happy moments.
Relationships are similar. You find a significant other and you give and take like any other relationship, like friends, like families. There are moments when you watch your girlfriend or boyfriend’s favorite movie, because even though you hate it, you will do it because it will make them happy. And giving little pieces like that isn’t bad, but it is sweet and normal because it’s a small sacrifice.
However, even though these are how give and take situations are supposed to work, something suddenly changes. Sometimes people take little pieces from you, so small that at first you don’t notice. But over time all of these little pieces build up and you finally realize how much you’ve given up. You cannot quite recognize yourself anymore because you’ve been changing yourself, giving up beautiful and unique parts. You hope that by doing so you will be able to fit better with this someone. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. While you practice the give and take relationship with so many different people – families, friends, significant others – sometimes you just get lost in it all, letting the delicate balance of give and take shift off of its equilibrium.
Upon the realization that you’ve given too much of yourself, you feel strange and empty because it hurts that you felt like you couldn’t be your complete self with someone. It takes time to regain those things that you sacrificed, to gather the pieces and let them fit perfectly back together again. Once you feel complete again you can continue forward, vowing that you will never again let anyone take those pieces from you, or worse, give them up willingly.
With these new vows, you have a new kind of confidence about yourself. You know who you are and will not let families, friends or anyone else take little pieces from you. You meet people who can build you back up and keep you there because they don’t want anything other than the real you. These people are often taken for granted, but when you look around, you’ll notice that they’ve been there all along.
