Care Bear Cares: Dealing with roommate conflict
Dear Care Bear,
My roommate and I are friends and get along for the most part, but she sometimes pushes boundaries and isn’t respectful of my privacy. This may sound paranoid, but I have a strange suspicion that she reads my text messages to my mom (complaining about her) when I’m not in the room. I don’t want to start unnecessary conflict, especially if my suspicions are false. How should I handle this?
Sincerely,
Disrespected Roommate
Dear DR,
You are right to think that making a direct accusation will do more harm than good, especially if your roommate is someone who does not know boundaries. Nevertheless, you should not doubt your intuition if you feel like something so negative is going on behind your back. What I would do is make sure you NEVER leave your phone in the room when you leave. This way you can ensure that it doesn’t happen without having to create drama or risk falsely accusing her. Even if your suspicion is correct, it is better to just avoid letting it happen again because if she is someone who thinks it’s okay to do this type of thing, then she clearly has bigger issues and it is not up to you to fix that. Besides, if it is true and she read negative texts about herself, then that on its own is enough of a punishment. All you should think about is making sure that her problems don’t harm you. I understand that she is your friend and isn’t all bad, but sometimes even a close friend isn’t the best possible roommate. I would make sure to find someone nicer to room with next year because you deserve to have someone to live with who respects you.
Your friend,
Care Bear.
If you’re dealing with a problem with classes, friends or anything else on campus, odds are someone else at Gettysburg is having a similar problem. So rather than confide in your parents or reliable best friend, why not publish your personal problems for all the world to see!? It’s like when you go up to your professor with a question, and he or she insists that you ask so the entire class can hear in case other students have the same question. My name is Caroline, and, hey!—I care! If you have a problem relating to school, friends, relationships, etc., go ahead and over-share. I will keep your identity a secret, and I might even be able to help! Email me your questions at rubica01@gettysburg.edu and I will answer a different question every Monday! Help me to help you. Let’s start over-sharing.
