Aunt Izzie: Inviting shy acquaintances into your circle
Dear Aunt Izzie,
There are some people on my hall who don’t seem to have any friends; I don’t know what to do about them
Sincerely,
Too Popular
Dear Popular,
Fingers crossed, you’re wrong about these people. They may have friends in classes or other halls. It’s also possible that they prefer being alone. Just because you see someone alone does not mean they are lonely.
But assuming you have spotted a few wayward souls who desperately want to hang out with you, there are a few things you can do.
First of all, invite them places! And don’t make it seem like you’re doing them a favor either. “Hey a bunch of us are going to Servo, you can come too I guess even though we don’t really want you around” is not going to make anyone feel welcome. It takes about two seconds and eight syllables to ask someone to come to dinner.
A quick sidebar on the first thing – letting people come with you is not the same as inviting them. Sure, you’re not saying “It’s weird that you’re here” but who knows, you could be thinking it.
Second, cut them some slack. Approaching a large group of people who all appear to be friends is not easy, especially a large group of people who think they are cooler than you. Remember your freshman year of high school when you were still rocking the braces and Hollister t-shirts, and didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch because all you talked about was Gossip Girl? Utilize that memory, dig up some empathy, and start slack cutting.
And finally, arguably the most important step, include them once you’ve invited them. Yes you are a saint and a hero for allowing the unpopular to breathe the same air as you, but if you don’t engage them they will most likely stay quiet. Nobody wants that. Sitting on the end of the table in silence is far worse than sitting at your own table with your iPod. You’ve come this far, you’re in the home stretch, now ask them about their favorite band.
“Aunt” Izzie Gibson-Penrose
Izzie Gibson Penrose, class of 2016, has 18 years of advice to give. She loves telling people what to do (but doesn’t take offense if they don’t listen) and lives as strange a life as possible so she has plenty of anecdotes to share. Izzie also enjoys making jokes and baking cupcakes. Email her with questions, concerns, or anything LITERALLY ANYTHING that’s on your mind at gibsis01@gettysburg.edu. She promises to read every email she receives at least once, probably six times.
