Advice from Izzie: How to make friends and not be boring

Posted By Izzie Gibson Penrose on Oct 3, 2012 | 1 comment

Izzie Gibson Penrose, class of 2016, has 18 years of advice to give. She loves telling people what to do (but doesn’t take offense if they don’t listen) and lives as strange a life as possible so she has plenty of anecdotes to share. Izzie also enjoys making jokes and baking cupcakes. Email her with questions, concerns, or anything LITERALLY ANYTHING that’s on your mind at gibsis01@gettysburg.edu. She promises to read every email she receives at least once, probably six times.

Dear Izzie,

I really want to make friends but I don’t know what to talk to people about!

Sincerely,

Shy and Alone

Dear Shy,

Ok before I get into real advice, something has to be addressed. Don’t talk about dreams. For some reason people think it’s a cool thing to talk about. I hate to be the one to tell you, but zero percent of the population is interested your twenty minute description of the room that didn’t look anything like your room but you still knew it was yours.

Now then. Real advice. First, ask questions that require a multiple word answer. “How was your weekend?” can easily be met with “good” or “fine” and those aren’t taking you anywhere but Smalltalk Ville. It’s much harder to answer “fine” when somebody asks you about the most interesting thing you saw last weekend, the funniest joke you’ve ever heard, or the story behind the shirt you’re wearing. Keep in mind that some folks might be weirded out if you ask them for the stories behind their articles of clothing. Those folks live in Smalltalk Ville.

Second, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself. Obviously don’t interrupt your conversation partner; after all you are trying to make friends here. But if they tell you a personal anecdote about how they got lost in the mall of America trying to find Nordstrom feel free to respond with the rousing tale of your accidental tour of a college campus when you got separated from your physics class. Bam, you have bonded over your shared horrible sense direction. Friends bond.

Third, don’t overthink it. If you spend the entire conversation stressing about what your new friend is going to think if you answer “cool” rather than “awesome” you will come off as tightly-wound and neurotic.

Lastly, enthusiasm is key. Not overkill or desperation, but general enthusiasm about meeting new people and having conversation beyond “I sure love sunshine” or “How about that local sports team?” Show some genuine interest in the person you are talking with, and you will no doubt be headed out of Smalltalk Ville and into Meaningful Conversation City.