Farewell: Opinions articles I never got to write
By Isabel Gibson Penrose, Opinions Editor
During my time as Opinions Editor I wrote a lot of articles, some admittedly better than others. Here are some brainstorms and excerpts from the pieces I never got to write.
Ban Group Projects
Excerpt: “Many hands make light work,” said some delusional liar many years ago. I have lost years of my life to partners who don’t answer texts, pretend not to have opened emails, and are “just really swamped this week.” Man, when you’re really swamped that makes me doubly swamped.
The Wage Gap
A piece about the wage gap and every time I tried I got too bogged down and frustrated. People are always writing articles and conducting studies trying to disprove the existence of the wage gap and I don’t understand why. If it didn’t exist people wouldn’t be talking about it.
Draft Headline: The Myth of the Mythical Wage Gap
Excerpt: Even if there wasn’t a wage gap, what about the sexual violence gap, the hiring gap, the able to walk down the street without someone yelling nice ass at you gap, the reproductive rights gap, and the general respect gap?
A piece about how DPS fines students $100 for having a candle in their room. Even if that candle wasn’t lit, or if it has never been lit. This is stupid.
A piece about all the different ways my name has been misspelled/mispronounced/generally botched (a highlight would’ve been the professor who thought my name was Gibson Penrose. First name Gibson, last name Penrose) and other stuff about names
Excerpt: I hate when you meet a new person who has one of those names you could pronounce two different ways and they don’t offer you a preference on pronouncing it. “Is it Eva or Ava?” “Either is fine.” How is either fine? They’re two different names! Why don’t you care more?!
Draft Headline: Uninformed idiots think they know better than doctors
Excerpt: “Polio isn’t even around anymore,” say anti-vaxxers. YES, because we eradicated it with the use of the polio VACCINE! When you stop using something, suddenly it becomes less effective. Weird.
Excerpt: A friend of mine made a really good point the other day – vaccines prevent death. Even if they did cause autism (which they DON’T) is the anti-vax movement saying having a child with autism is worse than having your child die? Because that’s offensive, absurd, and disgusting.
A piece discussing universities like Georgetown and Princeton have floated the idea of renaming buildings on their campuses that were named for slaveholders. I didn’t write this piece because I don’t have a good answer to this problem. On the one hand, honoring people that did bad things is also bad. On the other hand, America was founded by a bunch of white men who didn’t want anyone who was female, black, or poor to vote/have rights. So where would the tearing down and renaming end? I don’t know, and I was unprepared to fully tackle it.
Excerpt: You saw her face in a crowded place, and now you love her? That is not love, you psycho! And songs that pretend to be about love but are actually about shallow physical attraction or stalking and obsession encourage shallowness, stalking, and obsession. Knock it off, bands! I’m looking at you, Train. And you, James Blunt and James Blunt’s band.