April Fools: President-Elect Stable After Servo Truck Accident

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
Iuliano had a accident with a Servo food truck on campus (Photo Mary Frasier/The Gettysburgian).

Iuliano had an accident with a Servo food truck on campus (Photo Mary Frasier/The Gettysburgian).

By Nicole DeJacimo, Staff Writer

Last night President-elect Bob Iuliano was taken to the Gettysburg Hospital after being hit by the Servo truck at 11:48 pm driven by none other than Dean Ramsey. Thankfully, he only has a broken arm and a few bruises as the Servo truck never passed 15mph.

Since Bob Iuliano was announced President-elect, he has been spotted wandering late at night standing on Carlisle St. An anonymous source, who asked to be called JMR, told The Gettysburgian that Iuliano has made multiple jokes about “outdoing” President Riggs in many aspects, and one specifically: to get hit by a larger car than she did.

Most students have heard the story that President Riggs was hit by a car on campus when she was a student, something that many students wish to follow in her footsteps. Iuliano, supposedly, even challenged Riggs, betting her a 3 for 3 special that he would outshine her pedestrian legacy. It is still up for debate whether Riggs or Iuliano won. Please look for a link in upcoming Student Digests to vote for the winner.

Ramsey was taken into DPS custody and was sentenced to be Gettysburg’s dean for another quarter of a century as punishment. She refused to give a statement to The Gettysburgian. President Riggs will hold a forum in Mara next Saturday at 3 pm if anyone wants to join the discussion of the importance of personal safety on campus.

Finally, the Servo Truck will be out of service until repairs are finished. After Ramsey hit Iuliano, she continued to drive until the body of Eisenhower’s statue was imprinted into the front right corner of the truck.

April Fools’ Special

Print Friendly

Author: Nicole DeJacimo

Nicole DeJacimo ‘22 is a staff writer for The Gettysburgian who primarily writes for the features section. She is from the Jersey Shore and sings in Audeamus. She plans to major in Political Science and double minor in Music and Writing. Follow her on instagram @nicoledejacimo.

Share This Post On

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *