April Fools: New Meme Account: The Ants of Gettysburg

Editors' Note: This satire article is a part of The Gettysburgian's annual April Fools' special edition and is not a real news story.
If you like Squirrels of Gburg, a new Instagram page spotlights the ants in our campus community (Photo courtesy of Maddie Neiman/The Gettysburgian)

If you like Squirrels of Gburg, a new Instagram page spotlights the ants in our campus community (Photo courtesy of Maddie Neiman/The Gettysburgian)

By Sam Shourds, Staff Writer

Do you enjoy a good squirrel or dog encounter? Do you relish in adorable pictures and videos of the two? Well, guess what? There are meme pages for that!

Both squirrelsofgburg and gburg_squirrels cater to your love of the squirrel community, while gburg_dogspotting provides a platform to both view and submit photos of Gettysburg’s best puppers (so really, all of Gettysburg’s puppers).

But there are more non-human citizens of our community that deserve recognition. And I am proud to announce that they’re going to get it.

Within the next week, an anonymous source will be launching a new meme account, and it might be the best one yet. It will be called gburg_antics, and you got it folks, it will be following some of Gettysburg College’s tiniest residents: the ants.

Think about it! To us humans, Gettysburg College is rather small in the grand scheme of things. It takes us approximately 10-15 minutes to walk across the whole campus. But to our little eusocial insect friends, our beautiful campus is their whole world.

They make their way around Servo, dodging giant ignorant feet and clumsily dropped utensils. They wander through the academic buildings and residence halls, wondering where their educational and social opportunities are hiding.

Nobody stops to pet them or gape at their odd behaviors. Nobody asks how their day is going or calls them a good boy!

In response to this treatment, my anonymous source comments that “the purpose of the meme account is to unite a community of ants that’s been vying for attention on our campus and encourage their inclusion in campus activities.”

“In order to accomplish this, the meme page will include a complete roster of Gettysburg’s ants, segments like ‘A Day in the Life of a Gettysburg Ant’ and ‘Top 10 Ant Hang-Out Spots on Campus,’ as well as daily sightings of the ants.”

Finally, the ants will be seen! And their stories will incite change in our current unforgiving world. By following this account and encouraging your friends to do the same, you can show just how important diversity and acceptance are on this campus.

And remember, our ants are small but mighty. All they need is a spotlight and our voices to be seen and heard.

April Fools’ Special

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Author: Gettysburgian Staff

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