By Wellington Baumann, Columnist
It is once again that special time of year. You may have noticed the spooky decorations, the surplus of candy on sale in stores, and the ecstatic children anxiously counting down the days until the 31st of October. Halloween is a cherished holiday where anyone can be anything imaginable for one wondrous night. That said, do not forget that it is the 21st century. While we may all hold fond memories of Halloween, we must remember that it has become a day plagued with racist cultural appropriation.
Given the severe circumstances, allow me to act as your guide, so that you have a safe and politically correct Halloween.
You may be thinking, “what is cultural appropriation?” Simply put, cultural appropriation is the adoption of the elements of one culture by the members of another culture. Examples of this malicious system can be seen all throughout our appalling history. Elvis Presley may be the “King of Rock,” but rock and roll came out of blues, which has its origins in the African American community. How dare Elvis Presley take an appealing element from another culture and make it mainstream. What does he think the United States is, a melting pot? Cultural appropriation has shown its ugly face by giving us culturally themed restaurants, and now, little white girls parading about as Pocahontas on Halloween.
You may hear certain bigoted individuals ask, “Isn’t it a racist construct to say that one race has a complete monopoly over a particular cultural practice?” Or, “Doesn’t this ideology really just create more senseless division in our society?” Of course not, and do not be dissuaded. If you are one of those monsters, then I say to you, “come on, it’s the current year.”
Now that you have a loose understanding of a concept conjured up by academic elites, you are charged with spreading your wisdom to everyone else. If you see anyone wearing a costume that does not belong to their particular race or ethnicity, be sure to virtue signal to all of your peers and lecture that bigot. Be aware that you may feel a bit exalted in your newly found self-righteousness, but do not be alarmed; this is a completely normal side effect.
Please have a safe and enjoyable Halloween. Stay on the lookout for that wicked cultural appropriation, and remember that the strength of a civilization rests not in what unites its people, but rather in propagation of what divides its people.