“Penis Monologues” to come on Gettysburg’s campus


By Morgan Hubbard, Staff Writer

In response to high demand, the college has announced that April will bring the coming of the first-ever Penis Monologues performance on Gettysburg’s campus.

The event will be co-sponsored by the Interfraternity Council and the Men’s Studies Department (the History Department).

“We really wanted to have a show that was just for men and about men. It’s not every day that you get to sit down and hear about the difficulties men face and how they rally to overcome nasty rhetoric,” said student director Eric Shun.

The monologues will range from humorous rants to heart-felt, but not overly-emotional, stories.

The opening piece “You Wouldn’t Understand,” traces the story of a young man who must reconcile the anger he feels when his girlfriend shames him for having no first-hand experience of menstruation.

“That one is my favorite,” says Johnson Big of the piece. “I just think it gets right into it. It makes people uncomfortable because periods are disgusting, but we just can’t avoid this subject anymore.”

Another piece brings in the classic male bravado that audiences have been waiting for. “Maybe I Can’t Get It Up Because You Aren’t Worthy of My Time,” takes a look at the stigmatization of erectile dysfunction through the comedic lens of a man who is tired of being used for his body.

Directors originally thought about cutting the piece because it has been historically difficult to perform, but decided that its message was worth the risk of embarrassing the ego of the actor.

“Put me in, coach,” said actor sophomore Harry Nuhmber. “I actually think the piece is really empowering for me. I get to test my acting skills and portray a character with an issue that is so marginalized by society. These are real men fighting on the fringe for respect they are entitled.”

The event received some initial backlash, but the actors simply mansplained that this event is not meant to ignore the voices of those who do not have penises, but rather to emphasize the struggles of those who must consistently be accused of sexist behavior.

“I understand what this may look like, but it is a harsh reality we all must face. Sometimes having a penis is really hard, and women are just so gendercentric in their fight against sexism,” said senior Dick Smith.

Taking a note from the really cute and thoughtful ideas of the girls involved in The Vagina Monologues in February, the cast has decided to donate the proceeds to a local cause.

All proceeds from ticket and t-shirt sales will be given to Hidden Costs Inc., a for-profit organization that helps women make educated decisions about respectfully reporting sexual harassment without dismantling the framework of an entire company.

The show will be in the CUB Ballroom at 8pm on April 1st. Tickets are $10 for men and $18 for women, to make up for the dinner your boyfriend probably just bought you. T-shirts are $10 and free for women who agree to compete in the wet t-shirt contest opening act.

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